Growing up, I was very much pro-life. I was raised in conservative evangelical Christianity: this is pretty much just a given when you’re in that camp. It’s assumed you hold the pro-life stance. And while people have varying degrees to which they agree with the stance (some may make exceptions for rape/incest for example), it is very common for pro-lifers to be adamantly against all abortions, no matter the circumstances. I cannot tell you the number of stories I’ve heard from people who were walking into a Planned Parenthood (or other abortion clinic, but usually this is the one mentioned) and a large group of pro-life people screamed at them, calling them murderers and telling them they were going to hell. A not insignificant number of people weren’t even going in for abortions but for other things offered by Planned Parenthood. I remember one such story came from a woman who was going in for a cancer screening, because she couldn’t afford one from traditional doctors. These people did not care about why she was going in – or the fact that she herself was/is a mother; and not only that, but her elementary-age daughter had died in a school shooting a few years prior.
Imagine holding that grief & trauma, going somewhere to receive medical care – but the place you’re going has a stigma that a lot of people latch on to and target. These so-called “pro-life” people had no interest in hearing her story or showing compassion to her situation.
Here’s the thing: I didn’t wake up one day and decide I didn’t care about the sanctity of life and that I was now 100% okay with abortion. It wasn’t a thoughtless, careless choice.
I love kids. (Every job I’ve had so far has been in childcare). I would love to be an aunt and maybe even a mom one day. Kids are great. Sure, they can be tiring and overwhelming at times – but they are fun, they are kind, they are often smarter and wiser than we give them credit for. They’re cool.
This isn’t only about children, though. I’ve also realized the last several years that if I truly am pro-life, that means caring about and advocating for anyone who is marginalized, oppressed, or disadvantaged in some way: women, poor people, disabled/chronically ill people, BIPOC, non-Christians, abuse victims, immigrants & refugees, LGBTQIA+ people, and more. It’s not enough to say I care about the unborn but excuse racism, ableism, misogyny, xenophobia, Islamophobia, antisemitism, queer-misia, etc.
I also want to say that while I personally at this point don’t align 100% with either the pro-choice or pro-life side of things, right now, I am much more grieved by the pro-life side. It honestly seems like that group is utterly devoid of empathy or understanding for people who receive abortions – and I don’t say this lightly.
I say it because I lived it. I say it because I used to be so fully pro-life, so proud that I believed something that was (supposedly) fool-proof and absolutely correct in every situation.
I say it because I can’t sit by and let these beliefs be stated as facts, without saying anything, just quietly letting conversations happen. Sometimes it is right to be quiet – and other times, it is right to speak up.
I know a major reason I’ve had this shift is because I have taken time to shut up and actually LISTEN to people on the pro-choice side. It’s hard to not act on the instincts of defending what you think is correct.
But the reality is, none of us have the full picture. And sometimes, we’re so focused on parading what we believe to be true that we miss important pieces of the puzzle from others who we don’t see eye to eye with.
As much as is possible, I want babies in wombs to have a chance at life outside the womb. I want abortion rates to decrease. I want abortion to be unnecessary.
I don’t believe making abortion illegal will accomplish those goals. I believe that for everyone impacted by abortion, it being made illegal will actually be worse in the long run. Also, legal or illegal, abortion is going to continue regardless.
It also seems incredibly hypocritical for the same people who apparently care so much about the lives of babies in wombs, to not care about police brutality towards people of color, or to oppose universal healthcare, or to be against stricter gun laws, or to be in favor of outing LGBTQIA+ people and against resources that offer suicide prevention to these people. Decreasing police brutality, enacting universal healthcare, having stricter gun laws, offering suicide prevention & safety/respect towards LGBTQIA+ people would all save lives – but it really seems like, because these issues aren’t about “the unborn”, their lives apparently don’t matter to the pro-life crowd. And this completely breaks my heart.
Additionally: if someone has an ectopic pregnancy, or has a miscarriage and needs a D&C? Those procedures are legally considered abortions. So if you are in favor of abortion being illegal, you’re in favor of those procedures being illegal. Even if you personally categorize them as different, the fact of the matter is, legally they are still also abortions.
So let me be clear: I don’t love abortion. I hope I never need one. I want abortion rates to decrease. And at the same time, I want abortions to be safe. I want to prioritize the lives of pregnant people – and I’m intentionally using ‘people’ here for a few reasons: 1) when a child is pregnant, the pregnant person is not a woman, because women are not children; 2) LGBTQIA+ people who can become pregnant don’t all identify as women; 3) not every woman can become pregnant or wants to become pregnant; and 4) though people can and do debate about when life begins (at conception or any point in the womb vs at birth), one thing is undeniable: the person who is pregnant is absolutely, undoubtedly, without question A PERSON.
If, like me, you’ve been taught for years that the pro-life side is always absolutely right no matter what and there’s no need to question it or argue about it, please know there is always room for doubts, for questions, for changing one’s mind, for repentance from harmful views. Even if you feel like you will disappoint family or friends or Christians in general, their feelings do not matter more than people’s lives and stories. If you’re like me, and you’ve hesitated to have a mindset shift in this regard (or others) due to fear, know that fear’s job is to keep us safe but sometimes rather than providing safety from bad things, it holds us back from good things. Moving away from this point of view that I thought was loving showed me that theological, personal, and political convictions that are more liberal/leftist/progressive in nature can lead to even deeper love, compassion, and connection with others. I am filled with so much more love and grace and compassion and understanding now than I was when I was a conservative and an evangelical. I support the legality of abortion BECAUSE I care about life and justice and safety and health. I am not okay with shaming people who’ve had or considered having abortions because they have their own reasons, their own circumstances, their own thought process. If someone is in an abusive situation and can’t leave, and doesn’t want to subject a child to that – who am I to judge? If someone has health risks that would make pregnancy and/or childbirth dangerous – who am I to judge? If someone is unable to financially support a child and/or doesn’t want their kid to experience the trauma that so frequently comes with adoption/foster care – who am I to judge? If someone is sexually abused and the fetus is a reminder of that abuse – who am I to judge? Or for literally any other reason: who am I to judge?
Another thing I keep thinking about lately is that during Trump’s presidency, he incited a lot of anti-Asian hate because the pandemic started in Asia. His administration was also very vehemently anti-mask and anti-vax. And now during Biden’s presidency, this administration has been treating the pandemic as if it is over or nearly over when we continue to experience spikes and new variants. In my opinion, neither of these is pro-life. Inciting hatred or violence is not pro-life. Pretending a dangerous virus is no longer a threat when it actually is is not pro-life. I understand why a lot of people feel frustrated, disappointed in, and let down by both the right and the left at this point. It isn’t right, and our leadership ought to have done/be doing better.
All of this is to say that in terms of whether I am pro-life or pro-choice…well, it’s complicated. I can see validity in both sides and I can see problems in both sides. But I know that based on the research (data, facts, statistics, etc.) AND listening to people’s stories, I am moving further and further away from the pro-life perspective. Of course I still value life. I still believe life is precious and a gift (and I’m grateful that I can even see it this way – prior to March 2016, my anxiety and depression were untreated. Now, a little over 6 years later, being on medication has allowed me to see that life has not only awful things, but beautiful things to offer us as well. I see not only life in general as a gift, but also my life specifically as a gift, and I’m in awe that I can even type that out because pre-medication & therapy I wouldn’t have been able to genuinely believe that). I also know that abortion absolutely can be life-saving and necessary healthcare, and I’m not here to judge or shame people for receiving an abortion. Sometimes it’s needed but not wanted; sometimes it’s wanted but not needed; sometimes it’s both, sometimes it’s neither – but whatever the circumstances, pregnant people have the right to make their own decisions about their own bodies, and I’m not in favor of taking away their rights.
Through Her Eyes 